On the House: Sophie Heawood’s Property Binge: This week, houses on the river

Dee Yonker

“I’d rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave,” the esteemed contemporary philosopher Karl Pilkington once said. I agree with him entirely, except I’d always choose a view of a river over the view of a palace, and also apart from the cave part, because I’d want to live in a palace, not a cave, but otherwise, twin souls. A room with a view isn’t enough either: I want a whole house with a river running right outside the window. Here are five such properties. Read em and WEEP: 

1) Old farmhouse on the River Thames in Chiswick, £3,495,000, Riverhomes


(Image credit: riverhomes)

How wrong would it be, in a time of need and loss and mourning, to set up a crowdfunding campaign to raise three and a half million pounds for me to buy this house? It’s an old farmhouse, you see, an actual farmhouse, with the feel of a secret, rural hideaway where poetry comes to life and William Morris casts an approving eye. But it’s right on the River Thames in London! Rural, but in walking distance from the Tube! With all that ancient wallpaper! Heavens to Betsy! If this is wrong, do I want to be right? Can’t I be shamefully wrong but still also quietly keep all the money? Isn’t that how cancel culture actually works? I don’t even want the money, you understand. Just the £3.5m house. 

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